Share the Ube.

Took my dog out for a walk yesterday. Who knew I was going to be sniped by a grasshopper, a bee, and something else that flies like a drunk mosquito? Could be a sign. Or it could just be that it's Spring and all the crazy insects in the San Fernando Valley are coming out to wreak havoc on people's psyches; particularly mine. Anyway, Easter's coming up and I hope you guys will be in church for that. I don't know about you, but aside from the pastel colored dresses to the plethora of allergy attacking flowers, I love Easter. At least at my church. It's just something about the music and the message and seeing everyone there that gives me a lift. Like...many of the people that will be there probably don't go to church unless it's Christmas, Easter, or the death of a family member ya know? But it's SOMETHING. A start! No, not "the start of something new" you High School Musical weirdos. A start to keep going to church. And it's nice t...

I started writing in my old journal again last night. Sometimes, I forget how good it felt to take a pen and write down what I was thinking. Sure, it took a lot longer and white-out was pretty necessary. But just seeing the ink scroll across the page and hearing the scratching of thoughts becoming words brought me a different kind of solace. I'm not done with the entry I began last night; there's too many painful memories I need to write down. Guess you could say I'm taking a break from reliving those aches and penning them onto paper. It's funny...how life forces you to live; even if it means you have to trudge through the lowest of lows. Anyway! I found this short film in the YouTube Screening Room and I think you guys should watch it. It totally blew my mind and I'm watching it again! Hope you guys enjoy it. Till next time =)

My dad is drunk. I gained 5 lbs. Tomorrow's a new day.

I weigh 111 lbs. The Special K challenge works =)

I hate cool people. They have the right kind of clothes. They speak the right kind of words. The guys wear the right cologne. They listen to the right kind of music. They go to the right kind of places. The girls wear the right kind of makeup. They have the right kind of humor. They have the right kind of friends. I'm not anti-cool people, by the way. I just don't like them...at all. Sounds a bit bitter, doesn't it? Well, what would you say if I told you I am? I was never "cool". Used to be. Then, somehow I ended up part of a group of outcasts. Don't get me wrong, I love not being a part of whatever the "cool" people are doing. I don't think I ever fit in, in the first place anyway. If you were to compare a list of what I liked to do with that of a "cool" person, I'm quite sure you'd see an outstanding difference. I'm not a party-crazy person. I don't like going out all the time. I'd rather stay at home...

Even though my weight and my life keep see-sawing back and forth, I must say, it was all made up for these past few days. Thank. God. He gave me some extra sunshine in my life, and I couldn't be more grateful. Believe it or not, I went out with a guy yesterday. By myself. Shocking isn't it?? I know I was. Am. Are? Anyway, it was a great experience! I fully enjoyed it, and I think he did too. Now the question is, as Matt Kearney sang "where we gonna from here?" To be honest? I'm not sure. I do know that this was a bit fast, and I'd like to slow it down. So I'm hoping to talk to him about it. See, I'm the type that likes to be friends first, then go out. Ya know? I want to do this the right way. And prayerfully he'll be okay with it. Wow, I just realized it's been a while since last blogged. Oh well! Hope you guys spent some time outside! It's gorgeous!!

Not much to say except I'm gushing with amazement at how the movie "Alice in Wonderland" went. Strange to say, but I wish that it was longer! I enjoyed the characters, and the plot, and the throwing of teacups very much. Ah! It was so good! Alright, I'm just going to put a few of my favorite quotes from the movie. If you haven't seen it yet, I suggest you make a small detour from this post, head straight to the nearest theater, watch it for yourself, then come back here so that you'll understand why I love these charming snippets of the script. Hurry now! You don't want to be late for tea! " The Mad Hatter : Have I gone mad? [ Alice checks Hatter's temperature ] Alice Kingsley : I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are. The Mad Hatter : I'm investigating things that begin with the letter M. Stayne - Knave of Hearts : Alice has escaped. [ Red Queen slaps him ] Stayne - Knave of ...

"Sometime in autumn 2008, i locked myself in my room for a couple of hours and attempted to write a script about how most of my friends only keep in touch with each other over the internet, how people are often kept at arms length. on the surface, 'how to say i love you' looks like a sweet story, a "meet cute", but it's intended to be more of a statement on how -unfortunately- we often keep people at a distance instead of really connecting with each other. i just feel like people are so quick to post their phone number, their address and everything about them on the internet, and talk to complete strangers in chat rooms, but if somebody said "hello" to them in the street, they'd probably close up, and think said person was odd. the whole shift in how we prioritize communication just completely baffles me. anyway, one day this was featured on youtube and it all blew up. i'm glad that you guys seem to like it so much. cheers!" - hayley st...

Back to square one. Why does this ALWAYS happen??? Right when I feel like I'm about to get a break, they pull be back to the beginning.

I wonder why people think I'm so strange. Is it that weird to see someone act insane for a little bit Because that's how they feel? I can't be myself around anything/one much nowadays. This mask, act, facade, whatever you wanna call it; is really getting old. I don't want to be the pretty girl next door who likes to have a drink and get dirty one moment, then likes to read books, play video games, and bake the next. Because at the end of the day, I'm still left alone. And what's wrong with randomly dancing to Oren Lavie or not wanting to do anything and just talk about wildflowers? What's wrong with laughing at the little things and not so much the bigger ones? I'm intelligent when I choose to be. I'm not some piece of furniture you can bang or gossip about. I'm not like any of you. This may be my depression talking, but I don't really feel like I connect with anyone among my peers. I don't relate to any of you in more than 3 things. ...

Love it. =)

I love Switchfoot. I'll be practical and say that I haven't listened to them in a year. The song title just popped in my head, and now I'm humming the melody. Today's a bit gloomy. Like my life, today has bits of sunshine poking through, but they're almost immediately eclipsed by those gray clouds. I miss my old life. What was I thinking, wanting to grow up when I was younger? It's absurd!! And in future, I'm going to tell every child that says that to me to never want something that dreadful. Growing up is more painful and dismal than, say the most tragic movie you can find. You learn to cope with new things you didn't know before; things that change your outlook on life for better or worse. Growing up is pretty much that; coping. We accept responsibilities, not wanting 99% of them. We grudgingly understand that more is expected of us; more that we sometimes find near impossible. We are always compared to others and never seen by ourselves as a...

So...I missed the Oscars. Would you believe I actually slept through it? More important things have been happening, actually. I guess my body was just telling me to take a break. See, my grandma...well, she worries me. She's the last grandparent I've got. Once she's gone... I don't even want to think about it. The other night, she wouldn't wake up. Apparently she was dreaming deeply. It still frightens me because now every time I walk into her room, I'm beginning to dread the worst. And I don't want to. I REALLY don't want to. Maybe I'm just being silly. Or Maybe I ate too much yogurt. That might be it. It's 12:40 and I want to keep talking to him.

In a perfect world, this post would've been up about 12 hours ago, I would be able to eat ice cream without gaining weight, and I would be dating Matt Bomer from "White Collar." In reality, I'm posting this NOW, ice cream makes me FAT, and Matt Bomer is "supposedly" gay. Been a a rough week. Which is why I practically jump out of my bedsheets when it's the weekend. They say things get worse before they get better. I'd like to ask those people how in the world do they know when it's the worst? Just putting that out there. How do you know you can't sink any lower? I'm just curious as to what you all think. You can send me a telepathic message via the psychic network if you wish OR leave a comment. Whichever. I'm quite confused. Just so...lost. Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole at 100 mph. My world is upside down; "A Boy Named Sue" hardly begins to describe it. I crawled out from my hole, but I'm desperate to...

I am a fool. A court jester would look wiser standing next to me. I've been so selfish. So far from where I need to be...well, where God needs me to be. Depression is a terrible disease. It affects the mind long before it affects the body. I haven't seen the Light for so long; yet here It appears before me in the dark confines of my home. This post is not me making excuses, it is me accepting my guilt. It's my fault that I sank this low. However, I believe that I still need to sink lower than this to fully grasp how vulnerable I am without Him. Like an addict, I crave for sexual satisfaction; a high to temporarily rid me of my fears. My sins accumulate with each passing day and whenever He reminds me of what I've done, I shrug Him off. I curse Him away because I can only satisfy myself. I can only make ME happy. Terrible shame. It flits in and out every week and yet I tell myself, "I could give a damn about it." God, I'm so sorry... My reasons ...