Mangled Emotions

Struggle.

Hard to breathe easy.

Where's the reset button?

Why does life get harder
each day?

My eyes are getting heavy
is it the pain
or the need to get away?

People don't know.
IT eats away at me
My eyes stay glued to what I see
Abomination.

Wish I could write my own story.
Or is this the story I'm meant to write?
Is it choice
or the way my life is planned out?

Alone.

In a crowd of thousands.
Bustling like a bee hive.
Everyone has somewhere to go.
Someone to see.
Someone to BE.

Am I being?
or just here?

Are these really my eyes?
Is this really my face?
Does this body really belong to me?
Disgust from what I see.

I say one thing
but mean another
Fake. Superficial. Artficial.

Product of society.
Made in country of Greed, Sloth, Lust
Anger, Pride, Envy, Gluttony

Oh, how I love my evil.
I dress myself in it daily.
I wallow with her companions more than
I reach for the Sun
the Son
His Son.
I am

Abomination.

May I kill myself within so
that I can come closer to that which is good
clean
holy
Wholly good
Righteous.

My rags for His robes.

In all fairness
dying for an ungrateful me
an ungrateful WE
is not fair at all.

What Love.