Hello, My Name Is Miss Lonely Hearts
It's been a while since I last blogged. I've been sick with bronchitis and sinusitis. ugh...getting sick is probably the last thing I need right now. What with all the crap flying around my life, my health is quite important to me. Maybe it's all the stress...I mean, is this like, the labor pains people experience when going into adulthood? I mean, now when I sleep, as long as I get 6 hours, I'm good. Whereas in high school, I needed at least 7-8!
Also, my appetite has been fluctuating, I have gastric problems sometimes, and "kids these days" is becoming a common phrase in daily conversation. Honestly, I feel a lot older than I really am. Some would say that I'm just mature for my age and that I shouldn't worry about these things. However, I do. Quite frequently, to be honest.
I mean, I'm a theater student, an aspiring actress, I've got an IQ of 132, I've never had sex, I've never been drunk, I've never been high, I've never committed a felony or anything close to that, I've been called "goodie-goodie" my entire life, I've only been on 3 dates (and 2 of those were for school functions), I've got good taste in clothes, I'm not a bad cook, I have common sense, I do my best to stay up to date on things going on in the world and our culture, I'm a self-proclaimed Christian, I know I'm not perfect and don't pretend I am, I'm a good public speaker, and I love books, music, plays, movies, video games, James Franco, and food....
And you'd think that many guys on campus or in my neighborhood or in my church would want to go out with me. Yet I have not gotten a single offer from ANY guy. And the ones who DO ask me out are either way too young or old enough to be my father.
What am I doing wrong???
And I'm quite exasperated from hearing the "you've got time" or "being single is the best" talks. Trust me, I completely understand that and actually agree with them to a certain extent. But I don't intend to be called, "Sharai, the girl incapable of getting a date because she's weird" for the rest of my life.
For those reading this, look. I'm not 100 pounds, I don't have obvious abs, I don't have long hair, I don't have big boobs, I'm 5'2", I'm just a college student, I don't have the prettiest skin, and yes, I will always be just a crazy wacko in people's eyes.
But I don't want to be noticed for those things. And sure, maybe I am being a needy, psycho, miss lonely hearts. But I'm a needy, psycho, miss lonely hearts that just wants to be loved for who I am by a guy who can see past all my shortcomings.
Ranting is one of my specialties, but I feel that the more I talk about this, the more I realize that maybe I shouldn't get married or go out with anyone for that matter. If I do, I'll never be myself again. I'll never be able to do the things I normally do. I'll always have to pretend, and I'll never be quite understood. Seems to me, that relationships are nothing but trouble. And yet, I crave for the same look that Mark Darcy always gave Bridget Jones in that first movie. I suppose I'm just having a month of weakness in my single life. I mean, I should enjoy this time, right???
Then why do I always feel so alone in a crowd full of couples?
Also, my appetite has been fluctuating, I have gastric problems sometimes, and "kids these days" is becoming a common phrase in daily conversation. Honestly, I feel a lot older than I really am. Some would say that I'm just mature for my age and that I shouldn't worry about these things. However, I do. Quite frequently, to be honest.
I mean, I'm a theater student, an aspiring actress, I've got an IQ of 132, I've never had sex, I've never been drunk, I've never been high, I've never committed a felony or anything close to that, I've been called "goodie-goodie" my entire life, I've only been on 3 dates (and 2 of those were for school functions), I've got good taste in clothes, I'm not a bad cook, I have common sense, I do my best to stay up to date on things going on in the world and our culture, I'm a self-proclaimed Christian, I know I'm not perfect and don't pretend I am, I'm a good public speaker, and I love books, music, plays, movies, video games, James Franco, and food....
And you'd think that many guys on campus or in my neighborhood or in my church would want to go out with me. Yet I have not gotten a single offer from ANY guy. And the ones who DO ask me out are either way too young or old enough to be my father.
What am I doing wrong???
And I'm quite exasperated from hearing the "you've got time" or "being single is the best" talks. Trust me, I completely understand that and actually agree with them to a certain extent. But I don't intend to be called, "Sharai, the girl incapable of getting a date because she's weird" for the rest of my life.
For those reading this, look. I'm not 100 pounds, I don't have obvious abs, I don't have long hair, I don't have big boobs, I'm 5'2", I'm just a college student, I don't have the prettiest skin, and yes, I will always be just a crazy wacko in people's eyes.
But I don't want to be noticed for those things. And sure, maybe I am being a needy, psycho, miss lonely hearts. But I'm a needy, psycho, miss lonely hearts that just wants to be loved for who I am by a guy who can see past all my shortcomings.
Ranting is one of my specialties, but I feel that the more I talk about this, the more I realize that maybe I shouldn't get married or go out with anyone for that matter. If I do, I'll never be myself again. I'll never be able to do the things I normally do. I'll always have to pretend, and I'll never be quite understood. Seems to me, that relationships are nothing but trouble. And yet, I crave for the same look that Mark Darcy always gave Bridget Jones in that first movie. I suppose I'm just having a month of weakness in my single life. I mean, I should enjoy this time, right???
Then why do I always feel so alone in a crowd full of couples?