Here in Right Field...

You know when you're attracted to someone but have that "off-limits" alarm blaring inside your head because you know they're either taken or WAY out of your league? I felt that feeling all over again on Sunday when I saw a guy I've liked for a while at Shepherd. I feel bad for posting about him on here...however, I'm not a stupid person, so I won't put his name.

I mean, that's not as bad right?? Let me know if it is. I think I can be considered the worst human being alive if he read this and felt offended or something...

ANYWAY, so during worship, I see him there on stage and my heart's all fluttering and I keep freaking out because I thought I was over this! All this time, I always felt it was just a crush you know? The kind where you know there's no chance they'd ever date you kind of deal? Seriously, I was over him! Or at least, I thought I was.

After service ended, I went to visit everyone backstage...of course I also went back to go see him (gosh, my palms are getting sweaty just thinking about that...EWWW). I walked into the the two backrooms behind the choir room. First, I saw a girl that I knew...she happened to be one of his close friends. She's really pretty and SOOO nice =) Anyway, I took a quick look around the room just to see who else was there (OKAY OKAY I'll admit it...I already knew where he was when I walked in...he always likes to sit at the piano and play or sing). I spotted another friend of mine and went to go talk to her for a bit. Then everyone started getting up to get ready for the next service, I walked over to the piano to get out of the way. He saw me and waved and I waved back. I stood at the piano's end to talk a bit more to some friends. Then I saw in my peripheral vision, him getting up and coming behind me to put his arm around my shoulders.

This is the moment where I had a mental scream of elation. NO JOKE. I thought I was going to pass out. It was like his pheromones or something hit me in the back and I had to make a note to lay my other arm on the piano for support.

Then we started to talk. He said, "Hi," and asked how I was doing. I told him I was somewhat alright. Then I noticed his hair..I asked him about it. Idk how to describe it, but it looked like a 90's wannabe dye job. OH GOSH, okay, I don't really mean that and I didn't say it out loud. I just said it looked different. He told me that he had gotten it done, but the place messed it up so he tried to fix it. Then he told me that when he would wash his hair, it would get lighter..(this I DEFINITELY noticed haha but it was so cute the way he looked when he talked about it) Well, we didn't get to talk more since they were praying. Then they began to walk out..I walked with them and was talking to some of the other girls. I noticed him lagging behind a bit in the line up ahead to catch me one more time...man, I wish I had said goodbye -_-"

I'm stupid I know. But hey! Maybe everything I saw and felt was just wishful thinking. You know, it probably was. I'm being pessimistic aren't I? Haha...well...I've had lots of disappointment in my life. I'm not proud of it, but I usually think this way. Anyway...wow! That's the first bit of guy drama I've had in SO LONG. Ahahaha! Well, I'll type more later...off to eat food!!