Share the Ube.

Lots of dead worms. I realize the picture is pretty gross. My cousin and I almost vomited when my mom dumped them out of the flower vase for my grandma. Thank you, rain, for causing that to happen. This Thursday I've got a hair appointment with the hairdresser that used to do my grandma's hair.  When I called to make the appointment, the hairdresser brought my grandma up.  She said a lot of really sweet things that made me want to sob right there. No one can understand the feeling of loss of a deceased loved one until you've actually gone through it.  The grief can be so overwhelming sometimes that I start to shake from head to toe.  Everything reminds me of how good and loving my grandma was.  She raised my sister and I; not to mention my thirteen immediate cousins.  Even while grocery shopping, I'll see things that she would eat on a daily basis.  When I hear an old hymn or a song that she liked, my heart feels like it's being pressed deeper into my chest.

"I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night, alone I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again I am to see to it that I do not lose you." Heard this on an episode of Bones and remembered how good Walt Whitman is :]

I have this HUGE pimple on the tip of my nose. Current name: Rudolpha the Red Pimpled Retard.  I have work at 6 in the morning; that's about 10 hours from now.  I'm working till 2 which most likely means I won't be eating much till then. I just realized I have no more contacts after this last pair I'm currently using.  It takes 2-4 weeks for them to be shipped. AWESOME.  My paycheck is coming in t-minus 3 hours, but I'm pretty sure it'll barely be enough to cover my contacts and eyeglass expenses. I am twenty years old and I still don't have my license. My mother believes that I need proper driving lessons that I'll have to help pay for....that's $250 out of MY account.  That's moolah I don't have!  Mostly because I'm trying to save up for stuff. Stuff like...an education, a car, an apartment, and my huge list of vanities. This year...is not really turning out to be what I hoped for.  Once again, God's teaching me a lesson; a lesson

Don't let the title fool you.  I'm not suicidal.  No, in fact, I've got a lot to be happy about.  I have a family that's been growing closer and closer together since my grandma's passing; I have a job that's going to help me pay for school; I have a boyfriend who respects me and my family; I have friends who I can still talk to...as if we never left the room.  Though I don't deserve it, God has been incredibly good to me. Unfortunately, I'm quite the selfish individual. I find myself becoming more self-centered with every day.  I hate waking up for work. I hate spending almost all the money I wake up so early to earn.  I hate going outside.  I hate the guy with the eviction notice coming around all the time.  I hate making stupid decisions. I hate the wind. Lack of sleep and patience has led to eating vast amounts of really unhealthy food. Now I'm a grouchy midget with minimal means of satisfying my cravings.  Crap.