Pre-Monday Jitters.
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| Lots of dead worms. |
This Thursday I've got a hair appointment with the hairdresser that used to do my grandma's hair. When I called to make the appointment, the hairdresser brought my grandma up. She said a lot of really sweet things that made me want to sob right there.
No one can understand the feeling of loss of a deceased loved one until you've actually gone through it. The grief can be so overwhelming sometimes that I start to shake from head to toe. Everything reminds me of how good and loving my grandma was. She raised my sister and I; not to mention my thirteen immediate cousins. Even while grocery shopping, I'll see things that she would eat on a daily basis. When I hear an old hymn or a song that she liked, my heart feels like it's being pressed deeper into my chest. If I just let my emotions run free, I'm pretty sure I'd be stuck in bed for weeks soaking the pillows and bed sheets with the tears and pain.
To have lost someone who has been a part of your life from the get-go; to have them wrenched from you in a moment; there is no proper way of describing the emotional tornado that a person goes through. You may think that I'm holding it together rather well, but in all honesty, it's just the eye of the storm. Being made to think that everything is handy-dandy can delude someone else to believe that I'm "okay."
I'm not.
And I'm getting sick of repressing this pain. Almost as sick as looking at these dead worms.
Work is gonna suck for the next 3 days. God, please help me.