Straws and Camel Backs.

These days, I feel more and more like some depressing, broken record. I can't even count how many times I've tried to completely vent my inner frustration and resentment anymore. Whenever I think I may be able to get past it, something happens and I'm back to feeling the same way all over again.

It's not healthy.

For some reason, God is allowing this to happen. I have an idea as to why, but at the rate this whole thing is going, I may never really know.

I realize that I have to be accountable for what happened to a certain degree; however, Vanessa, Alex, and Jenny don't seem to see it that way. In their eyes, Vanessa is completely innocent and misunderstood; no one knows her side of the story. They see me and Zack as the ones who caused the whole thing to happen, because Vanessa's side is the only thing they want to see.

Another thing wrong with their view is that Vanessa and Alex have disillusioned Jenny into thinking that the incident is totally isolated.

Although my opinion is biased, I really find that to be dishonest and manipulative.

If I was to be completely honest, everything that happened after the wedding in June was the excuse we needed to stop pretending. Just like what Vanessa said to us was an excuse to try to tell us how to live.

All her talk about how she loves us like a big sister and how she said all those things out of concern for us and our friend is such crap. No one can believe words like that unless the attitude and actions matched up with it. She can tell that to Jenny and everyone else for all I care, but at the end of the day, those words mean nothing. She has never shown one ounce of interest when it comes to Zack and I except for when we're getting married.

I just don't know what to do anymore. After last night, I feel less motivated to even try to resolve anything. But I know I should.

Seriously though, this high road stuff really sucks.