New Year's Resolution.
The past seven days have been so difficult and painful for me. It felt as if all of my burdens have finally come to a head. The torment has been unbearable; physically, emotionally, and mentally.
There's a line in Anne of the Island that came to my mind just now, "There is a book of Revelation in every one's life as there is in the Bible. Anne read hers that bitter night as she kept her agonized vigil through the hours of storm and darkness."
I have felt alone and betrayed these past two and a half years.
Alone, from the lack of support I received from the people I called friends. I realize that I'm not everyone's cup of tea; there is no guarantee that people will like me, and I shouldn't assume that if I am good to others, they would treat me the same.
To be honest, it tears me up inside that I have fewer friends than I thought. It's something that I have to come to terms with because hoping that these people will think I'm worth being friends with is pathetic. Maybe I said or did something that caused them to treat me this way. I may never know what it is. Probably shouldn't matter anymore anyway.
People just don't like me. I can't stop doing my best to be nice to others, but if they respond negatively to it, I shouldn't take it personally. I'm not perfect; I suck at being a decent person most of the time, but I won't quit on being a better representative of Jesus. I'll try at least.
The point of this post is not to make anyone feel pity for me. I've done that for myself for almost eighteen months. I want this to be more about how amazing God is at getting exactly what I need. He's been pushing me to forgive, and move on. And now, I can with His help. It's not going to be easy, but I saw evidence of this today already. If He can get me through this, then I know things will change for the better this year.
I guess that's my resolution; to let God change me on the inside so that I can do more good in this world.
There's a line in Anne of the Island that came to my mind just now, "There is a book of Revelation in every one's life as there is in the Bible. Anne read hers that bitter night as she kept her agonized vigil through the hours of storm and darkness."
I have felt alone and betrayed these past two and a half years.
Alone, from the lack of support I received from the people I called friends. I realize that I'm not everyone's cup of tea; there is no guarantee that people will like me, and I shouldn't assume that if I am good to others, they would treat me the same.
To be honest, it tears me up inside that I have fewer friends than I thought. It's something that I have to come to terms with because hoping that these people will think I'm worth being friends with is pathetic. Maybe I said or did something that caused them to treat me this way. I may never know what it is. Probably shouldn't matter anymore anyway.
People just don't like me. I can't stop doing my best to be nice to others, but if they respond negatively to it, I shouldn't take it personally. I'm not perfect; I suck at being a decent person most of the time, but I won't quit on being a better representative of Jesus. I'll try at least.
The point of this post is not to make anyone feel pity for me. I've done that for myself for almost eighteen months. I want this to be more about how amazing God is at getting exactly what I need. He's been pushing me to forgive, and move on. And now, I can with His help. It's not going to be easy, but I saw evidence of this today already. If He can get me through this, then I know things will change for the better this year.
I guess that's my resolution; to let God change me on the inside so that I can do more good in this world.