Now I see. Now I get it. It all makes sense now. You all don't give a crap, do you? Sure, you'll say some nice things. You'll say you'll pray for me. You'll give me a hug. You'll give me a verse to memorize. But you can't fool me. None of you can. You jerks should all know...that I can read if a person is being sincere or not. It's not in the way you speak, or the way you look at me. I won't even tell you how I know. But the point is, I'm fed up with all your crap. You think I want a pity party? You think I want your sympathy? I just want you to be able to hear me out and really BE THERE for me. I blog. I email. I text. I talk on the phone. But it makes no difference! No amount of your empty words will ever make me believe you. Because if there's one thing about me that I'm really good at, it's being sincere. It's not like some skill I picked up. I can't just pull it out of a hat. No, it's ALWAYS real. ...
Unlike the Taylor Swift song of the same name, my "haunted" refers to the presence of a very unpleasant person in my life. I've complained, moaned, grumbled, and annoyed the pants off you guys; and all for some smug, arrogant, untalented, snob who stomps around and towers over everyone like some amazon freak. It's literally become mentally and emotionally exhausting to even give a minute of my time and energy to any thought of her. Mind you those thoughts usually include me punching the crap out of her and telling her what an awful person she is to her husband's family; especially his little brother and I. She constantly baffles me. I can't understand why such a mean, selfish person can get all the attention and not even care about anyone else but herself. How does that happen? Not to mention, she's completely whipped her husband, and convinced everyone around her that she's an "expert" on everything. In all honesty, she's an idiot an...
The Meyers Briggs Personality test was instrumental in my growth as a young adult. Ever since I hit puberty, I acutely felt this confusion and limbo like existence when it came to why I behave the way I do. For me, the concept of myself was too hard to understand because I felt as if I was constantly trying to please everyone around me. This meant that I barely had time for myself to figure out what I really wanted in life and what I wanted for my future. Of course I idealized, as most teenagers do, the kind of life I thought I'd have. And obviously none of it came true. Living a life not knowing what makes you tick or why you behave a certain way in different situations is exhausting and lonely. I felt that I would never really understand myself. After taking the test however, I felt as if everything finally made sense. A social chameleon. Adapts to the energy output and the needs of others to keep them happy. Doesn't think about their own needs. Sharing things about yours...