You Just Don't Understand

Crying is useless. I can sit in my closet for the rest of my life, but it won't change anything. I will still be as weak and hopeless as the day I was born.

Strength never became one of my attributes. Always living in some sort of fear.

People don't see that though when they look at me. They only see what I want them to see; a pretty, carefree, ambitious, loyal young adult. No scars. No past to hide behind. No regrets.

But Reality is as cold as Selfishness and Winter. The truth is that I am always scared. Always fearful of being discovered under this carefully formed guise. But who really reads this? It's like talking to the wall. And the people who do read this...well, a couple of them are my best friends, but other than that...well. The other people don't count. People who don't talk to me about my lie are people not worth the time to talk to about this.

Anyway, what happened last night just further proved that parents suck. "For your own good" my butt. This is exactly why I've had no reason to talk to them about my real life. The life I lead where no one else exists but me. I don't trust my parents to understand me. I mean, they don't even understand that they lie and contradict themselves all the time, yet blame it on me. To them, I'm just another hormonal kid. I'm not THEIR kid. I'm not my own person who can actually make good decisions. They expect me to stay cooped up in the house, but blame me for not going out. When I do go out, they blame me for staying out too much. Contradiction. Hypocrisy. Such stupidity. And to still blame it on me....you're asking for an enemy.

I don't want kids. I don't want to get married. I don't want to turn into my parents. And I don't want to give them the chance to say, "I told you so."

I just want them out of my life. People who don't understand me, shouldn't be a part of my life at all.