The Green Monster in Us All.

I've been going on this anti-social media rant for a while now. For the most part, it's been a huge relief to express the way I feel. Instead of my usual outbursts of resentment and frustration, I now see how beneficial it is to organize my thoughts and to intelligently (to the best of my ability) convey them the way I want.

With the way I was blogging for the past year, I realized that I sounded more like a little kid stomping my feet at the slightest sight of anything to do with my boyfriend's mom or sister in law. And to everyone who was reading all of that, I was seen as some jealous, lonely nobody with a grudge against a seemingly fine group of people. For me, going through a lot of emotional and mental stress wasn't something that could be swept away because these people called me, "jealous."

The issues I have with these people are far more serious, and it took me a while to figure out that they are never going to go away. There will always be the underlying dislike for each other, and to be honest, I'm fine with it; now that I've come to terms with what I've gotten myself into.

These people think that I wish I could be like my boyfriend's sister in law. You'll have to excuse me while I burst that bubble of shallow thought for you.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm completely innocent of having any jealousy at all. To be fair, I do wish that I could have gone to the school that she did. But that's it. I've acknowledged that fact, and moved on. But these people still like to bring it up and generalize that if I'm jealous of her for one thing, then I must be jealous of her for everything that she has that I don't have. And that's probably the most hurtful and manipulative thing to do. After hearing it and seeing it on a day to day basis, they are now convincing me of this horrible lie. And that's something they will have to be accountable for one day.

We all experience the pangs of this sin; we start seeing things in green and we become personifications of Regina George to some degree. It can completely consume us and make us forget that we are not that person. We lose sight of the fact that everyone has a different path in life. There is a destiny and a purpose for which we must fulfill.

The way we get to that is going to be different for each of us. We're not all going to experience the exact same opportunities, mishaps, triumphs, or downfalls. And that shouldn't discourage us from trying to live our lives the way they're supposed to be lived. Yes, we're human, and sometimes this realization will go out the window when we see someone who seems to be better off than us. We become jealous and wonder why we can't be like that person, or have what they have. But at the end of the day, we need to remind ourselves that we are not meant to have everything and anything we want. God couldn't teach us patience or perseverance if that was the case.

I admit, I do get a bit jealous that my boyfriend's sister in law went to the school that I wanted to go to ever since I was little. But you know, her life is full of things that I would never want to happen to me.

I would never want people to put me on a pedestal that I have no business being on. I would never want to be so full of myself, that I don't care how my behavior affects anyone else. I would never treat any person who is going to be a part of my family the way she does.

For all I know, she's probably jealous of the fact that I don't need all the unnecessary attention she gets and tries so hard for. I do know that she gets jealous of me whenever I play video games with the guys and I know she's jealous of how much better I can get along with people than her. But that neither makes me a better person, nor does it make it okay for me to exploit her jealousy.

If only she could understand that for herself. Then I wouldn't have to deal with her calling me a liar, with low self-esteem behind my back.