Friendship Responsibility
When people expect you to stay the same way after experiencing insane trauma, it's selfish. When they expect you to have the same relationship with them, it's ignorant. When they refuse to take their own behavior and actions into account, it's manipulative.
I know I'm probably being dramatic about this.
However, if you knew how I felt whenever one of my so-called friends make me the one responsible for the relationship, you'd understand. It's so tedious to have to go through this blame game. I usually end up being the one to absorb all of the blame because the other person can't handle it.
Perhaps that's why people find it so easy to use me that way. They expect me to be a certain way, and when I'm not, they blame me for not meeting their needs and expectations in a friendship.
I'm so sick of it. Why do I even have to explain myself? I feel like it's so obvious that I'm no longer the same person from 2017. Last year completely ruined me. The old Sharai died last year with Enzo. The Sharai that is currently typing this is so different.
I'm not as open as I once was. My social skills have suffered. My ability to handle stress has suffered. Who I see as a close friend and acquaintance has completely changed.
The only person in my close circle as of now is Zack. And we're still trying to rebuild our relationship after losing Enzo. We're barely holding on.
So for people to expect to be hanging out with the same Sharai is revolting to me.
If these people can't see what I've gone through and respect it, then I have no business having them be a part of my life.
At least that's how I feel in this moment.
I know I'm probably being dramatic about this.
However, if you knew how I felt whenever one of my so-called friends make me the one responsible for the relationship, you'd understand. It's so tedious to have to go through this blame game. I usually end up being the one to absorb all of the blame because the other person can't handle it.
Perhaps that's why people find it so easy to use me that way. They expect me to be a certain way, and when I'm not, they blame me for not meeting their needs and expectations in a friendship.
I'm so sick of it. Why do I even have to explain myself? I feel like it's so obvious that I'm no longer the same person from 2017. Last year completely ruined me. The old Sharai died last year with Enzo. The Sharai that is currently typing this is so different.
I'm not as open as I once was. My social skills have suffered. My ability to handle stress has suffered. Who I see as a close friend and acquaintance has completely changed.
The only person in my close circle as of now is Zack. And we're still trying to rebuild our relationship after losing Enzo. We're barely holding on.
So for people to expect to be hanging out with the same Sharai is revolting to me.
If these people can't see what I've gone through and respect it, then I have no business having them be a part of my life.
At least that's how I feel in this moment.