Suspected.
So after I posted, I saw Vanessa post on IG about not being everyone's cup of tea. Does that mean you're reading my blog still, Vanessa? Do you check regularly if I've posted?
That would actually be quite interesting. Does that mean that anything I say on here will be under your scrutiny? I thought I'd be scared if any of you read my posts these days, but I'm not. In all honesty, I'm not sure why I no longer have that fear. I used to feel dread whenever I attempted to type something up.
Do you know that it was because of all of you that I couldn't even turn to my small corner of the internet for refuge? Writing was such a big part of my life, and I lost it for a few years because of the fear you threw in my face. The fear of being judged by you all paralyzed me from putting down any thoughts or feelings I had. It didn't help that my mental health suffered immensely during that time too .
But now here I am, five years later, freely typing exactly what I think. No hesitation. No backspacing of entire paragraphs. No drafting.
It's been so long since I felt this way.
I guess it took you all moving out of state for me to finally feel more at ease. The farther away you are, Vanessa, the more I feel like I can breathe. Your presence in this valley stifled me. It was an annoyance that prevented me from stretching my limbs in the places I knew before you.
Maybe you felt the same way in your tiny little room in the house that wasn't yours. If so, I pity you even more. So much work to manipulate your way through it all, and you got stuck. I wonder how frustrated you were because you weren't getting the money and life you said you wanted.
What I really want to know is, when they'll all finally see the real you. You know, the one you don't let them see. The one that carries all those secrets and thoughts you don't share. The one that knows exactly how to manipulate the situation. I wonder if having all those sisters made you really good at it. Must have been so hard to stand out among other women who were just better than you at being genuine and kind and unselfish.
That would actually be quite interesting. Does that mean that anything I say on here will be under your scrutiny? I thought I'd be scared if any of you read my posts these days, but I'm not. In all honesty, I'm not sure why I no longer have that fear. I used to feel dread whenever I attempted to type something up.
Do you know that it was because of all of you that I couldn't even turn to my small corner of the internet for refuge? Writing was such a big part of my life, and I lost it for a few years because of the fear you threw in my face. The fear of being judged by you all paralyzed me from putting down any thoughts or feelings I had. It didn't help that my mental health suffered immensely during that time too .
But now here I am, five years later, freely typing exactly what I think. No hesitation. No backspacing of entire paragraphs. No drafting.
It's been so long since I felt this way.
I guess it took you all moving out of state for me to finally feel more at ease. The farther away you are, Vanessa, the more I feel like I can breathe. Your presence in this valley stifled me. It was an annoyance that prevented me from stretching my limbs in the places I knew before you.
Maybe you felt the same way in your tiny little room in the house that wasn't yours. If so, I pity you even more. So much work to manipulate your way through it all, and you got stuck. I wonder how frustrated you were because you weren't getting the money and life you said you wanted.
What I really want to know is, when they'll all finally see the real you. You know, the one you don't let them see. The one that carries all those secrets and thoughts you don't share. The one that knows exactly how to manipulate the situation. I wonder if having all those sisters made you really good at it. Must have been so hard to stand out among other women who were just better than you at being genuine and kind and unselfish.