Share the Ube.

I had a horrible night of sleep. It was restful and nightmarish. How does that even happen? Does anyone else have a horrible dream, and wake up feeling well rested? The opposite is usually true isn't it? But last night I had an awful sad dream about Enzo. I dreamt that I was watching videos on YouTube, and someone showed me a video saying "You might like this." The video turned into me experiencing the video as if it was happening in real time. Enzo was sick. The cancer had already covered his eye. He was so skinny but had muscle. He was running around at a national park that we were checking out. Along the dirt road with a beige wooden fence against the trees. Down a small hill in the shade. We had people with us watching him. Making sure he wasn't hurting himself. And all I could do was cry. I still felt like I was watching the video. I was screaming and sobbing his name over and over. Saying "My baby. My poor baby." Why are all of these dreams abo

As I get older, I dislike holidays more and more. I especially dislike these parental and familial holidays that expect you to be close to relatives you don't even really like. Today, I'm not talking about my own mother; I'm talking about you, Jenny. I saw that you put a J.K. Rowling quote as your cover photo for this year's Mother's Day. It's really sad that you would never have done that if Vanessa hadn't gotten into the series last year. It's sad that you only cared about getting to know her and not me. Maybe if I had come around later, I would have had a chance. At least, that's what I would like to think because it really sucks to think that you would never have given me a chance. And all because of what? Your prejudices from past relationships and racial biases. You can try to deny it. But the truth is the truth. This Mother's Day, the gift I hope you got was a reality check. You have and always will care more about Alex than Zack. Yo

When people expect you to stay the same way after experiencing insane trauma, it's selfish. When they expect you to have the same relationship with them, it's ignorant. When they refuse to take their own behavior and actions into account, it's manipulative. I know I'm probably being dramatic about this. However, if you knew how I felt whenever one of my so-called friends make me the one responsible for the relationship, you'd understand. It's so tedious to have to go through this blame game. I usually end up being the one to absorb all of the blame because the other person can't handle it. Perhaps that's why people find it so easy to use me that way. They expect me to be a certain way, and when I'm not, they blame me for not meeting their needs and expectations in a friendship. I'm so sick of it. Why do I even have to explain myself? I feel like it's so obvious that I'm no longer the same person from 2017. Last year completely rui

I was scrolling through Instagram this morning, and saw on The Daily Show's post on this week's guests. It upset me because there's a writer/director coming, and one look at this guy told me that he'd never write something that I would be seen in. A surge of motivation came over me to starting creating content that was for me and people like me. So I started with a second Instagram account to encourage me to post more of what really interests me without the veil of having to come across a certain way. Let's see what comes of it, and the growth I can experience. The only thing that is holding me back is the fear of other people I don't like seeing my content and spreading hate about me. God give me courage and creativity and perseverance.

Sometimes I wish I would post things on social media about what I think of certain people. Fake people, to be more precise. I get so sick of seeing the same people continue to use their manipulative skills to get ahead; to get what they want. It's irritating and I'm so tired of it. I really should just block these people on my phone and in my mind.  But the best revenge is success, right? Maybe one day soon, I'll shed the x ray light on these people and expose them for how they really are when no one is looking. At least, that's what I wish for.

So after I posted, I saw Vanessa post on IG about not being everyone's cup of tea. Does that mean you're reading my blog still, Vanessa? Do you check regularly if I've posted? That would actually be quite interesting. Does that mean that anything I say on here will be under your scrutiny? I thought I'd be scared if any of you read my posts these days, but I'm not. In all honesty, I'm not sure why I no longer have that fear. I used to feel dread whenever I attempted to type something up. Do you know that it was because of all of you that I couldn't even turn to my small corner of the internet for refuge? Writing was such a big part of my life, and I lost it for a few years because of the fear you threw in my face. The fear of being judged by you all paralyzed me from putting down any thoughts or feelings I had. It didn't help that my mental health suffered immensely during that time too . But now here I am, five years later, freely typing exactly wh