Share the Ube.

It's been quite a while since I last posted...WHOA!! haha Well, there's not much to report actually...no really! I don't have much to talk about right now. I still feel sick...my allergies are not helping. AND (if you didn't see my facebook status, I'm on my last tissue box in the house....AGH) I'm constantly producing disgusting fluids that are detaining me from looking remotely human -_-" Anyway, I think I got proof that that guy I was talking about doesn't like me...hmmm...I forgot what it was to be honest. HAHA Well this is embarrassing....sorry folks! I'm sure we would have made beautiful children together (totally, since I don't want kids)... Going to go take some Tylenol for this blasted headache and maybe something for my allergies too...AGH!! Why can't people leave me alone!? What's with everyone knocking on my door, calling, or texting me all of a sudden???????? Goodness graciousness =/

You know when you're attracted to someone but have that "off-limits" alarm blaring inside your head because you know they're either taken or WAY out of your league? I felt that feeling all over again on Sunday when I saw a guy I've liked for a while at Shepherd. I feel bad for posting about him on here...however, I'm not a stupid person, so I won't put his name. I mean, that's not as bad right?? Let me know if it is. I think I can be considered the worst human being alive if he read this and felt offended or something... ANYWAY, so during worship, I see him there on stage and my heart's all fluttering and I keep freaking out because I thought I was over this! All this time, I always felt it was just a crush you know? The kind where you know there's no chance they'd ever date you kind of deal? Seriously, I was over him! Or at least, I thought I was. After service ended, I went to visit everyone backstage...of course I also went back to

I feel...SICK. Like there's something nasty in me, and it's latched onto the insides of my body. EWW... Anyway, I was thinking about a conversation I had with someone last week. I'm kinda embarrassed to put who this person is since we've got some history, so let's just call them Drone. That sounds neutral, right? haha Anyway, so I was talking to Drone about this past summer and how I've made so many bad choices and how I realized that only one person bothered to tell me to stop. And Drone was like, "maybe you just needed to learn for yourself." WTHECK? Okay, maybe I did, I totally get that. But now I feel so guilty. Looking back, well, that's just it. Every time I try to look back on all the crap I did, my throat tightens, my chest gets heavy, and I lose all feeling in my fingers. Sounds like I'm having a heart attack or something doesn't it? Psh, you would too if you knew what happened to me this summer! I didn't even tell

the day starts the day ends time crawls by night steals in pacing the floor the moments creep yet i can't bare to sleep till i hear you sing and weeks pass and months pass seasons fly still you don't walk through the door and in a haze i count the silent days till i hear you sing once more and sometimes at nighttime i dream that you are there but wake holding nothing but the empty air and years come and years go time runs dry still i ache down to the core my broken soul can't be alive and whole till i hear you sing once more and music your music it teases in my ear i turn and it fades away and you're not here let hope pass let dreams pass let them die without you what are they for i always feel no more than halfway real till i hear you sing once more

If you've got some time (and especially if you love musicals), check the links out. Let me know what you think! An interview with Andrew Lloyd Webber: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQr5IMScjGI Teaser for the upcoming Love Never Dies; the sequel to Phantom of the Opera: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq_tkxWV-QY

OMGOODNESS You ever hear the phrase, "you become that which you hate the most" ? Well, I just realized that that's what has happened to me. If you don't know, the one I hate the most is my father. That man has taken more happiness away from me than the cancellation of Pushing Daisies ever did. Any attempt I ever made as a child to gain his approval or encouragement always (and I really do mean that) ended up in billowing flames of failure. I drew a picture for him in school. He told me it was the ugliest thing he ever saw and crumpled it up. My sister drew a picture for me one day. I told her it was the ugliest thing I ever saw and crumpled it up. I used to ask my dad for help on stuff. He always told me that I'm useless and can't do anything myself because I'm so stupid and weak. My sister still asks me for help on stuff. Sometimes I tell her that she's useless and can't do anything herself because she's so stupid and weak. My father n

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

The sunrise used to calm my heart and give me a refreshed feeling; as that of one who experiences life anew. But these recent months, the same has brought me fear and loathing. I no longer breathe the new air as I once did. The air surrounding me now only further stirs my apprehension. God, when did I leave Your side? It seems so long ago that I started getting close to You...but now, You're as far away as the stars and the sun. I can no longer see Your face in my mind's eye. Nor can I feel Your will working in my life. Have I fallen from Grace? Have I gone so far away that You refuse to reach out for me anymore? How did I lose everything when I tried to have it all? I truly am a pathetic human being. I did not recognize the signs; the warnings. And now, I feel as if it is much too late; too late to crawl out of this dark hole towards the Light. I seem to fall deeper with every struggle towards the Warmth I welcomed with open arms long ago. My soul cringes as the Li

Crying is useless. I can sit in my closet for the rest of my life, but it won't change anything. I will still be as weak and hopeless as the day I was born. Strength never became one of my attributes. Always living in some sort of fear. People don't see that though when they look at me. They only see what I want them to see; a pretty, carefree, ambitious, loyal young adult. No scars. No past to hide behind. No regrets. But Reality is as cold as Selfishness and Winter. The truth is that I am always scared. Always fearful of being discovered under this carefully formed guise. But who really reads this? It's like talking to the wall. And the people who do read this...well, a couple of them are my best friends, but other than that...well. The other people don't count. People who don't talk to me about my lie are people not worth the time to talk to about this. Anyway, what happened last night just further proved that parents suck. "For your own good&