Sitting at the Couch while everyone else is eating together at the dinner table...Thanks DADDY DEAREST.

Foul. Wicked. Most evil man to walk across my path. He hates me just as I hate him. But to say such rude things in front of guests about me.....AGH!!!

Here's the situation as of 10 minutes ago. My mother and I set the dinner table. There isn't enough space. So. I set aside a couple plates for my sister and myself. THEN, my sister sits next to my dad, who tells the guests that they don't need to pay attention to me. WHILE I'M THERE. In Tagalog, of course. Then the guests try to ignore it and save a space for me, which is very nice. And I tell them before we pray that it'll be alright, I'll be fine. But no...my dad likes to add things like, "Sharai, you never know what you're doing" to all the other things he likes to do to make me come across as some kind of imbecile. Like when I make a small mistake, he likes to shake his head so that everyone notices, he likes to laugh sarcastically, he likes to smirk and make insults at me.....

Telling me I'm so slow...That I never think right...That I...AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously want to hurt him. I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DO.

But I won't. I'll just keep this inside....'cause goodness knows, if I say anything to defend myself, he'll bust out some kind of Bible verse or start ranting on how I need to build better character, be more intelligent...BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Everything he's not basically. Because in MY eyes, he's the most hypocritical human being I've ever known.

If you never met him, let me make it simple for you to understand:

He'll drink himself into oblivion Saturday night and go to church and worship the next morning with no trace of a hangover.

He'll make sarcastic remarks. He'll make it like he's never wrong. He'll never admit he's wrong to ME or my mom or my grandma. And out of all three of us, he despises me the most.

DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO MAKE ME THINK DIFFERENTLY. I knew you wouldn't get it. You're in disbelief? Or are you thinking that my opinion is wrong?

But c'mon people. When you know him for as long as I have...how can you NOT think that way? When you've seen the things he's done to belittle me my whole life...you wouldn't disagree. When you've heard all the things he's said to make me feel insignificant and unimportant in EVERY way imaginable.....then you'll understand.

I don't want any, "I know how you feel" thoughts to pass through your mind or "I'm sorry you went through that" words to ever come out of your mouth. Those things are probably some of THE MOST unkind things to say....they don't help anyone.

All I want...all I need....is someone to see my pain, and agree on the fact that my father is the most hateful man in my life. And this conclusion comes as 19 years of experience. 19 years that I wished that my parents would divorce. But that's a whole other story....I'm going to go off and eat a little bit of something sweet to calm my anger