Share the Ube.

Are you reading this right now sister in law? You may think that it would scare the crap out of me if you found this, but it doesn't. I hope you ARE reading everything I'm posting on here. Puts my mind at ease knowing that you read all my rantings and struggles and yet you change nothing about yourself. Why does it put me at ease? Why would you change anything about yourself? Well the answer to the first one is pretty simple: it makes disliking you easier. Once I've gotten to a point in my dislike for a person I put away all pretense and wear my heart on my sleeve.  It's exhausting depleting all my energy on being nice and polite to someone so awful and worthless to me. This way, it makes ignoring you and making fun of you in public even better. Does that make me a terrible person? Probably. I know that I shouldn't be holding such a grudge against you, but that's between me and God and you have no right to call me out on it. I have the piece of sawdust i...

Is it just me or is this Friday not going so well? Lots of little things are starting to irk me quite a bit. UGH. Why am I in such a bad mood?? Usually on a bright day like this, I'd be clicking my heels, baking something delicious, and whistling all around the house. Maybe it's just one of those days. Maybe it's because I only had 4 1/2 hours of sleep. Maybe it's because I feel a bit lonely right now... Nah...can't be. Anyway, I was thinking about my birthday. I'll be twenty in four days! I should be annoyingly excited about something like this, but for some reason...I'm just scared. Could there be something wrong with me? I don't think I can explain this fear I have very eloquently so I'll just leave it at that. Maybe I'll feel differently about it tomorrow. You know what? Even though I'm in a bad mood, I think I'll bake some banana bread or something. In my opinion, baking should be considered a kind of therapy; no matter how ...

You know, holding a grudge against someone has a sickening hold on many people. It's like a kind of pleasurable heat that gives us satisfaction in dwelling on that hate and anger. Now I know it's neither healthy nor advisable to have such feelings. God definitely doesn't like it. Hating someone is like hating Him. However, it's...so difficult to let go of it. I don't care how many times you tell me to let it go. It's incredibly painful to let that last vestige of anger go. I WANT to hate that person so much. I WANT to imagine hurting them in every way possible. I WANT to feel the triumph in knowing that I hate them. Only I know this hate. That person may never know, nor care. They may never realize how I feel. But does that bother me? To be honest, no. It makes me feel even more powerful. I have control over someone in my mind; a place where no one else can touch me or hurt me. See, control has been ripped from my hands from so many individuals:...

Blogging....what is that? It's been so long that I barley remember how to do this. Let me see...oh right. I ramble on about how I'm doing and tell a funny story or thought provoking tale. Well, I don't feel like doing that right now. I feel like writing about...nothing. Okay, it's most likely nothing to YOU, but it's pretty important to me. Hey! That's a good topic. You know when you tell people something you think is absolutely fantastical but they don't give a crap about it? And then when they tell YOU something they think is awesome, you always try to give your enthusiasm and encouragement? Yea, that's the story of my life. And that's mostly how I lose a lot of people who have become my friends over the years. It's like what I think is awesome isn't reciprocated back to me in the same way. Do I really talk about stupid stuff that much? I don't have that much to say unless it's about fashion, art, composers, certain movie...