Share the Ube.

I've been to three weddings so far this year; and with each I find myself being asked by someone the same question that makes me resent weddings even more. "When are you going to get married?" If only it were possible to truly sink into the crust of the earth or instantly hide in that quiet and safe place in my mind. Whenever I hear those words, I feel a bit of anger and resentment towards the person who said it. I want to lash out at them for asking something so personal; but in reality, it's a question that I have been avoiding to answer. Fake smiles and giggles can only go so far. As I partook in each wedding I kept going over in my mind all of the "what if's" and "if only's" of the future I might have with Zack. I mean, neither of us are in the place we said we'd be five years ago. We haven't finished our studies, Zack is the only one working right now, we haven't saved up any money, we spend more than we make, we...

I've never been blessed with "good timing." Throughout my life, I'll "just have missed" someone or something that could have given me a wonderful opportunity, or sometimes on stage and in conversation I have dreadful comedic timing or just say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I'm convinced that this "bad timing" that I've had to deal with is starting to come to its peak. So many things have happened at the same time recently; things that have changed friendships and lives. My family has to move out of the home that we've been in for the past twenty years because some stupid judge decided that we should not be allowed to keep it. I've had to deal with a ridiculous amount of drama both past and present with friends and family. And now I just found out that my own parents were planning to use MY credit to buy back the house when they got the chance. I'm fed up with having to emotionally and mentally strain myself to cope an...

I realize it's 2:55 in the morning. But due to the fact that my hair is wet from a well earned shower and that I have been having trouble sleeping, I am not in what you would call "Dreamland." No, instead I have decided to sit down and write up a post because I honestly have nothing else to do. It's not that I don't want to write anything on here. In all honesty, this blog has turned into somewhat of an annoying younger sibling. I can't stand having it around most of the time, but there are those other times I'm happy that I didn't get rid of it. Not that I would do that to my younger sibling in real life. Maybe I would, but only if a sparked imagination and foul mood were present. I had a sort of wake up call today while talking to one of my closest friends. Little did I know how much I needed it. And I don't care what Paramore says, but "ignorance is not my best friend" anymore. Okay, that probably was the wrong word choice right t...

Life is so messed up. MY life is so messed up. Sometimes we think the detours will get us there faster. Look at all the detours we take just to start a car or wash dishes! For me, it's pride. Pride is the name of my GPS. Course, I keep getting led to failure. Wonder how I could've missed the signs along the way. God's been trying to get me back on track. He keeps offering to take the wheel and get me where I need to be, but Pride has a knack for making me refuse. "It's easier this way." "You kill two birds with one stone." The easy way sucks. I need to stop looking at the present satisfaction of these detours and look down the main road to where I need to go. Long road. But this way, I know I won't get sidetracked or distracted by life's glittery signs. And I think the first thing to get out of my way is ME. My selfishness got me in this deep pit of quicksand. Time to change that. Well, it's 1:00 in the morning. I believe I ...

It's sort of funny. When I started this blog, I didn't have any intention of actually having any readers. I just thought it would be another obscure blot of strange thought processing collecting virtual dust on the internet. I didn't think I would get any feedback. It's nice being wrong. Well, once in a while anyway. I just want to thank all my friends who have encouraged, and edified me through all the posts I've put on here. Life's messy, just like my parent's pantry; and no matter how many times you try to rearrange it, someone with no organization skills will come along and place all your breakfast items next to the condiments. Don't get my meaning? That's okay. It's not important. What IS important is my gratitude for you out there. You read this nonsense (perhaps out of boredom or a chance to laugh at me, I don't know...nor care, really) no matter how weird it gets. So thanks. A lot. Oh, and to my buds out there who are telling...

Gorgeous day it is today. Looking at the sky sort of makes me feel...cool. No real way to explain it unless you've had this feeling before. It's almost as if the whole day was full of endless profitable opportunities, and you can't go wrong. Anyway, waiting for my uncle from Virginia and his wife to arrive. A bit scared at the moment. I know they're going to ask me personal questions I'm not in the mood to answer. And it's almost certain that they won't stop badgering me; especially in front of a lot of people. But of course, I'm used to this, right? Oh, how I wish I was. About three firetrucks just drove by, maybe that's a sign that I'm right; or wrong. Well, whatever the situation will be once they get here, I'm just going to have to put on a smile and deal with it. Optimism! I really miss my friends, but I sort of don't miss them at the same time. You know that feeling? Where at one moment you want to be around people, but o...

You know, holding a grudge against someone has a sickening hold on many people. It's like a kind of pleasurable heat that gives us satisfaction in dwelling on that hate and anger. Now I know it's neither healthy nor advisable to have such feelings. God definitely doesn't like it. Hating someone is like hating Him. However, it's...so difficult to let go of it. I don't care how many times you tell me to let it go. It's incredibly painful to let that last vestige of anger go. I WANT to hate that person so much. I WANT to imagine hurting them in every way possible. I WANT to feel the triumph in knowing that I hate them. Only I know this hate. That person may never know, nor care. They may never realize how I feel. But does that bother me? To be honest, no. It makes me feel even more powerful. I have control over someone in my mind; a place where no one else can touch me or hurt me. See, control has been ripped from my hands from so many individuals:...

Hey readers! Hope you loved those weird videos I posted yesterday.  Nothing like a few drops of insanity to make life so much better than it actually is. Thing is, after Britney Spears/Trinity left my house, I got an idea! Well, in all honesty, it had nothing to do with anything funny.  However, it was a pretty good idea, so I'm sticking with it to the end! I decided to start a blog on acne tips and horror stories.  Eh, it sounds pretty awesome to me.  Because who DOESN'T have one of those moments?  Whiteheads, blackheads, pimples, zits; it seems like we've all got them, but no one really talks about it.  And I don't mean the commercials for acne stuff that "gives you clear skin in a few weeks" crap. No, this is gonna be legit.  Because I'm going through the same thing RIGHT NOW, so why not? WHY NOT??  Check it out if you've got the time.  I'll probably post more frequently on that since it's what I've got to deal with on a freakin...

Aaand here's the link! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GYSwiaNz2o

Sick of it. No way around saying that I'm Sick of it. People like making excuses For their actions For their thoughts But I'm sick of it. "I'm doing this because I love them" "I said that because I care" It's crap is what it is. Making excuses for The jerks The douchebags The losers When they already make excuses for themselves They don't need you to do that for them But people still do People still believe that there's good in all But they forget that there's more evil inside Putting the blame on yourself STOP Take a step back and really see That both sides are at fault People need to realize that Love should only go so far And I mean the other side When the other side takes advantage of it I'm telling you now I've told you before I quit because You can't hear me anymore They're abusing you They're using you They're blinding you They're hurting you Why can't you leave them? Oh, I know You LOVE them, right?...

Sad. Just sad. Life seems so unfair. Not for me. Not JUST me. It's you too. I find comfort in that. We are not alone. From the famous, to the self proclaimed nobodies. From the rich, to the impoverished. From the most beautiful, to the average looking. We all feel this way. A kind of sadness that is not for ourselves, but for someone else. Someone we love very much. I ache My insides burn Reality seems more bitter than fantasy What if's and maybe's are no use The past is past We live NOW. But what to do? What to feel What to think What to say... God, You are indescribably amazing Such timing as to provide a song To lay beside this sadness It brings warmth and comfort... "Lord I surrender all To Your strong and faithful hand In everything I will give thanks to You I'll just trust Your perfect plan When I don't know what to do I lift my hands When I don't know what to say I'll speak Your praise When I don't know where to go I'll run to Your throne...

AND!! Here's a link for all things pumpkin if you're interested: http://www.pumpkinrecipes.us/ Happy Thanksgiving folks!! =D