Give ME Back
I wonder why people think I'm so strange.
Is it that weird to see someone act insane for a little bit
Because that's how they feel?
I can't be myself around anything/one much nowadays.
This mask, act, facade, whatever you wanna call it; is really getting old. I don't want to be the pretty girl next door who likes to have a drink and get dirty one moment, then likes to read books, play video games, and bake the next.
Because at the end of the day, I'm still left alone.
And what's wrong with randomly dancing to Oren Lavie or not wanting to do anything and just talk about wildflowers? What's wrong with laughing at the little things and not so much the bigger ones?
I'm intelligent when I choose to be.
I'm not some piece of furniture you can bang or gossip about.
I'm not like any of you. This may be my depression talking, but I don't really feel like I connect with anyone among my peers. I don't relate to any of you in more than 3 things. Okay, 5 tops.
I remember my post about fantasy now. My mind hasn't changed on that, by the way. My thoughts on that topic are pretty much the same. I'd rather live in a world where my crazy, somewhat witty talk is much appreciated rather than sniggered at. I want to talk to someone who's thinking on the same wavelength. No not necessarily a boyfriend; although that WOULD be nice. I just feel so alienated, isolated, and whatever other adjective that can describe this inner exile.
I love my friends. I do, honest. But I don't feel that click; that instant, "oh yea, me too" feeling with any one of them. It's a terrible thought to think about; and it gets worse the longer I think about it. Oh God...what happened to me? I think and care and feel so much, but getting someone else to see that is like staying awake for 10 years straight. The longer I try, the harder it gets. I'm practically destined to stay this way in the years to come. And, you know what? I sort of like the idea of that. Growing up I never had real playmates. Now I enjoy being away from everyone more than spending time with any of them.
Well, I think this is pretty long already. I'll post about this again soon...till next time.
