Confessions of a Work in Progress.
In case you're wondering, I haven't forgotten about this blog. I actually decided to start writing in a journal again and just haven't had time to spend on here. But don't worry! I'll try to frequent this little corner of the internet a bit more so it's not just sitting here collecting digital dust.
A lot has happened since the last time I posted, and it's been a mix of really good and bad. The bad has been an ongoing struggle and along the way, it's gotten worse and worse. I haven't lost hope though. Prayer has been the biggest tool for me to see that God's will runs its course in my life. I used to be a very prideful person, but I've learned that I am nothing without Him. My life will never have been lived up to it's utmost potential unless I surrendered everything, you know? And that includes my deepest darkest sins.
As for the good, well, it's been really, really good. God, in His sovereignty and timing, decided to bless Zack and I and we couldn't be more grateful to Him for it. We've been in such awe of what He's doing and it's given us more resolve to keep persevering in the areas of our lives that are the most difficult. Now more than ever we're praying for God's strength and guidance to help us move forward in our lives and to let go of all the terrible things that have happened to each of us. It's been an emotional roller-coaster but we know that God is molding us into the people He wants us to be.
I know that I haven't been walking the walk and that's something that God and I are still working on. Coming from a very emotionally, and mentally abusive home, I've always been teetering on the edges of righteous and sinful living.So it hurts me when people judge my lifestyle without understanding where I am with God or what my life has been like. Lately a certain group of individuals have decided to rally together to continue their judgment of Zack and I and our lives without any real shred of knowledge of our feelings or our struggles. I've mentioned these people by name on the blog before so it should not come as a surprise to many of you or to these people I'm talking about. I've said pretty bad things about them and although I'm sorry I posted it, I'm not sorry that I meant it. These people have become quite the Pharisees in the lives of Zack and I that we can barely be around them anymore.
It's incredibly painful for Zack because he both wants things to work out so that everyone stops treating Vanessa and Alex so partially and at the same time completely cut them all off from his life. It's gotten to the point where he hates going home because he's so tired of his mom's attitude toward me and the whole situation. He's sick of seeing all the pictures of him and other family get replaced by Vanessa. He hates how his mom tries to manipulate him to see that she, Vanessa, and their band of merry worshippers are the real victims and that it's me who's attacking them.
I've felt that burden on his heart and it's brought me to tears so many times to think of the pain he's going through. God literally is the only reason why he can go home every night. He's the only reason why he puts up with it. I just hope and pray with all my heart that this suffering is put to an end.
"When dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity."
- Dale Carnegie
A lot has happened since the last time I posted, and it's been a mix of really good and bad. The bad has been an ongoing struggle and along the way, it's gotten worse and worse. I haven't lost hope though. Prayer has been the biggest tool for me to see that God's will runs its course in my life. I used to be a very prideful person, but I've learned that I am nothing without Him. My life will never have been lived up to it's utmost potential unless I surrendered everything, you know? And that includes my deepest darkest sins.
As for the good, well, it's been really, really good. God, in His sovereignty and timing, decided to bless Zack and I and we couldn't be more grateful to Him for it. We've been in such awe of what He's doing and it's given us more resolve to keep persevering in the areas of our lives that are the most difficult. Now more than ever we're praying for God's strength and guidance to help us move forward in our lives and to let go of all the terrible things that have happened to each of us. It's been an emotional roller-coaster but we know that God is molding us into the people He wants us to be.
I know that I haven't been walking the walk and that's something that God and I are still working on. Coming from a very emotionally, and mentally abusive home, I've always been teetering on the edges of righteous and sinful living.So it hurts me when people judge my lifestyle without understanding where I am with God or what my life has been like. Lately a certain group of individuals have decided to rally together to continue their judgment of Zack and I and our lives without any real shred of knowledge of our feelings or our struggles. I've mentioned these people by name on the blog before so it should not come as a surprise to many of you or to these people I'm talking about. I've said pretty bad things about them and although I'm sorry I posted it, I'm not sorry that I meant it. These people have become quite the Pharisees in the lives of Zack and I that we can barely be around them anymore.
It's incredibly painful for Zack because he both wants things to work out so that everyone stops treating Vanessa and Alex so partially and at the same time completely cut them all off from his life. It's gotten to the point where he hates going home because he's so tired of his mom's attitude toward me and the whole situation. He's sick of seeing all the pictures of him and other family get replaced by Vanessa. He hates how his mom tries to manipulate him to see that she, Vanessa, and their band of merry worshippers are the real victims and that it's me who's attacking them.
I've felt that burden on his heart and it's brought me to tears so many times to think of the pain he's going through. God literally is the only reason why he can go home every night. He's the only reason why he puts up with it. I just hope and pray with all my heart that this suffering is put to an end.
"When dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity."
- Dale Carnegie
