Share the Ube.

As I get older, I feel more conflicted about things that I thought I was sure of. Social issues that seemed set in stone for me because I thought the Bible, my parents, teachers, and pastor said so are evolving in my mind now. It's possible that I can be seen as a wayward Christian; there's no real answers for a lot of these things. At least, there aren't answers that are sufficient from a human perspective. All I can do is search for the answer from God, and be content with what I find. At the end of the day, my faith that He knows what He's doing is all I have. But...I do feel torn on so many things. Sin is bad, that's true. We all fall short of the glory of God because we sin. It is only by the salvation provided by Jesus' sacrifice and God's grace that allows us into Heaven. We need to live a life of service and compassion while spreading God's love and grace to others. We need to see everyone as God's children. We cannot compare our journ...

Despite everything we've been through, I love him more deeply than I ever have before. Even when people have tried to tear us apart, or make us doubt each other, we cling to one another firmly and rise out of it. So, should that day come when they try to confront either of us with whatever manipulations they have in store, we both know that it is nowhere near as strong as the connection between our hearts. We've spent countless hours talking about every possibility of what they would do or say in their defense; but not one reason is remotely good enough to even plant a seed of doubt. They don't know how many times I have given him opportunities to go back; to save himself from me. I feel like I'm a never ending black hole of chaos in his need for stability, yet he keeps standing right next to me. He takes all the good and bad in our relationship and turns into bundles of laughter and contentment beyond the limits of what I thought I wanted. Even in our darkest, most...

She's a liar She's new She's manipulative She's crazy She's jealous She's a wannabe Pointless assumptions from accusers set on justification; not truth. Keep making your excuses. It's pointless to lie for them. The truth always comes out.

"Admit it, he's your favorite because you have to work harder just so he'll like you." "Yeah, that's true."

Finding the right shade of foundation, concealer, and contour is so difficult for me. Always has been. I've had multiple people try to shade match me only for my face to look too red, too green, gray, orange, pink. Never my actual skin tone. It doesn't help that my face is always darker than my body. I've tried to tan my body, but it takes so much more to tan than it used to. It also doesn't help that I have so much hyperpigmentation from all of the acne my skin has gone through over the years. So whenever I wear makeup I feel like I just end up looking one of the undead. It seriously sucks since I've been watching makeup tutorials for fifteen years now. Seeing so many people being able to perfectly shade match themselves makes this struggle seem so unnecessary. Why are they able to so easily find what works for them, but I'm not able to? What's wrong with my skin? In the most recent years, I've come to accept that I may never find the perfect match ...

Zack and I went on a week long trip on the central coast. It was a much needed trip, I guess. To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was expecting. A part of me was hoping to just enjoy it, but there was a weight of guilt too. I wanted to spend the time to reflect on this past year that we'd been through. So much muck, ache, loss, grief, horror, and brokenness. The past two years have been the worst we've been through, and it scares me to think that it's not going to get any better. So maybe the trip was purely selfish. I'm not sure if that's what it was, but I feel selfish for wanting it and enjoying myself. These days, all I feel is guilt for being selfish. I feel like the most wicked person in the world most days. I look at myself and think that I deserve the worst pit of Hell because I'm such a bad person. I mean, people have treated me as if I'm a bad person my whole life, so I must be, right? Zack's family told all these people that I'm manip...