Share the Ube.

Just watched the Rocky Horror episode of Glee a couple days ago. I actually didn't like it that much. For some reason, I'm feeling more and more detached from the characters and the music they're performing. Huh. Weird. Halloween's coming up tomorrow. Not sure if I actually want to do anything. The only thing I can think of doing is just seeing my friends. I don't want to drink.  I don't want to party. I don't want to dress like a slut; even though the occasion calls for it. It's been days since I really posted something. Reason being that life has sucked more than my Xbox skills lately. REALLY SUCKED. I don't like letting people know how much it affects me. I'm pretty sure a lot of people think I'm weak. If you asked my friends, I'm certain they'd tell you that I become an emotional wreck rather quickly. It's just...I feel so vulnerable right now. So broken. I think that's the way God wanted me to be.  So He ca...

This week's been tough. Can't ask for a better song to listen to. It's not really my favorite genre of music, but the words have been on my heart and I'm just glad to have found a song that conveys  it in a simple way.

“I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.”   Charlotte Bronte quote I think that's a pretty good idea, yea?

Been having a nice chat with God lately.  It's dawned on me that I've been really selfish; making selfish decisions for selfish reasons and only freaking out because the repercussions are more than what I expected. Then there's the vicious cycle of going to church and asking for forgiveness and going back to doing the same old thing all over again. I HATE IT. I feel like I've drifted away from God so much. I don't recognize myself anymore. I've lowered my standards and turned a blind eye to things I normally wouldn't stand for.  I've disappointed my God, my family, my friends, and myself.  Without realizing it, I've given up what was best for me, for stuff that's not helping me at all in the long run. This isn't the first time I've had to struggle with something so serious. It took me over 10 years to beat my pornography addiction (more on that later). But I had God's help. You have no idea how many times I cried myself to sleep...

"Men judge us by the success of our efforts. God looks at the efforts themselves."   -  Charlotte Bronte Thank God for that.

Just. A great week so far. Just awesome. I feel like the rug was pulled from beneath my feet, but instead of a floor, it's a bottomless chasm.  An endless free-fall. No magic carpet can save me. Not even a gallon of strawberry ice cream can pull me out of it. UGH. Today was my friend Carlton's memorial service. Loved that guy. He would make everyone in the choir laugh whenever he imitated his mother's "unique" way of directing us.  Sometimes during rehearsal he would purposefully eat his chips loudly just to annoy everyone. I remember standing next to him backstage before we opened the Christmas show a couple years ago. He was such an encouragement to me during the show's run.  Who knew that there was a disease eating away at him the whole time?  I don't exactly know what it was; other than a serious liver problem.  He lost so much weight.  It was hard not to notice; not when he was already so thin.  I miss him.  His jokes; his laugh; his re...