Share the Ube.

It's been a really long week.  I did get a nice present though! My manager gave us all gift cards to Chipotle so I decided to try it out the other day.  I'd had heard quite a few mixed reviews about it, but I mean, it's practically free food right? It had been one of those 8-4 days and I was totally broke so I figured, why not try it out? Surprisingly, I was unimpressed.  The atmosphere reminded me of a dirty lunch area, and the service wasn't that great.  I just ordered a chicken burrito (with everything sans the beans of course), and honestly it didn't have any "wow" factor for me. It just tasted like an ordinary burrito. Taco Bell tastes better and they don't even use real beef!  True, the servings are more than enough to stuff this little Asian woman, but I wish they had more choices to put in their food.  I mean, Subway has more options and it's supposed to sort of resemble the same setup right? All in all, I paid $6.41 for a burrito that ...

Lots of dead worms. I realize the picture is pretty gross. My cousin and I almost vomited when my mom dumped them out of the flower vase for my grandma. Thank you, rain, for causing that to happen. This Thursday I've got a hair appointment with the hairdresser that used to do my grandma's hair.  When I called to make the appointment, the hairdresser brought my grandma up.  She said a lot of really sweet things that made me want to sob right there. No one can understand the feeling of loss of a deceased loved one until you've actually gone through it.  The grief can be so overwhelming sometimes that I start to shake from head to toe.  Everything reminds me of how good and loving my grandma was.  She raised my sister and I; not to mention my thirteen immediate cousins.  Even while grocery shopping, I'll see things that she would eat on a daily basis.  When I hear an old hymn or a song that she liked, my heart feels like it's being pressed deeper ...

"I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night, alone I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again I am to see to it that I do not lose you." Heard this on an episode of Bones and remembered how good Walt Whitman is :]

I have this HUGE pimple on the tip of my nose. Current name: Rudolpha the Red Pimpled Retard.  I have work at 6 in the morning; that's about 10 hours from now.  I'm working till 2 which most likely means I won't be eating much till then. I just realized I have no more contacts after this last pair I'm currently using.  It takes 2-4 weeks for them to be shipped. AWESOME.  My paycheck is coming in t-minus 3 hours, but I'm pretty sure it'll barely be enough to cover my contacts and eyeglass expenses. I am twenty years old and I still don't have my license. My mother believes that I need proper driving lessons that I'll have to help pay for....that's $250 out of MY account.  That's moolah I don't have!  Mostly because I'm trying to save up for stuff. Stuff like...an education, a car, an apartment, and my huge list of vanities. This year...is not really turning out to be what I hoped for.  Once again, God's teaching me a lesson; a lesson...

Don't let the title fool you.  I'm not suicidal.  No, in fact, I've got a lot to be happy about.  I have a family that's been growing closer and closer together since my grandma's passing; I have a job that's going to help me pay for school; I have a boyfriend who respects me and my family; I have friends who I can still talk to...as if we never left the room.  Though I don't deserve it, God has been incredibly good to me. Unfortunately, I'm quite the selfish individual. I find myself becoming more self-centered with every day.  I hate waking up for work. I hate spending almost all the money I wake up so early to earn.  I hate going outside.  I hate the guy with the eviction notice coming around all the time.  I hate making stupid decisions. I hate the wind. Lack of sleep and patience has led to eating vast amounts of really unhealthy food. Now I'm a grouchy midget with minimal means of satisfying my cravings.  Crap.

"Did you drop your balls or something?" - The Joker The Dark Knight I can't really begin to describe how this year has been so far.  So much heartache and bad decisions. So much stress and sleepless nights.  I need God and family so much more right now, but they're what I'm pushing away the most. Could really use a life restart button right now.

Brain room. Breathing room. Elbowroom. It's somewhat odd, the liberating feeling you get when you are finally able to have secrets of your own. when you are finally able to keep things to yourself if you want to without fear of getting interrogated. when you are finally able to care more about your dying grandmother than a life crisis an inconsiderate friend is going through. when you are finally able to have a freakin' minute to yourself. "Why don't you text me every week anymore?" "Why don't you respond to my random picture of the day texts anymore?" "Why do you care more about how broken your mother is over your grandma's death more than me?" "Why don't you tell me everything you're doing anymore?" "Why don't you pay more attention to my needs more than yours?" I don't know. I'm growing up and growing out of it, I suppose. Didn't realize it was a federal offense and resulted in the de...

Three days till Christmas. The usual holiday cheer hasn't hit me.  I don't think it will.  There's been too much stress and fear that have blocked it out of my mind.  I mean, I should be happy right?  I have a great job. I just started dating this really amazing guy who respects me and makes me happy. Not to mention, he's the only guy that all my friends and family have actually liked for me. But I just can't be happy about it.  My grandma's in the hospital with congestive heart failure and  pneumonia. Even though her body is getting better, she's having hallucinating episodes all over the place.  Just today she refused to eat lunch and hasn't gone to the bathroom for over eight hours.  She keeps opening her eyes and says, "Bring me my lord" and "you are like your father." WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? I hate hospitals. They are the bane of my existence. I don't know why my family insists that I become a nurse or something becaus...

Too tired to type. Too irritated to explain why. Too hungry to process anything.  Too sick of focusing on everyone else's happiness. Well, okay, maybe that last one was just half true. I want the new The Script CD to come out now. Can it be January 18, 2011 tomorrow?

God has been so good to me this year. It's been incredibly hard here and there; I've felt so low for so long.  At least I'm ending the year on a strong note.  I have a job. I'm dating someone who doesn't think I'm an obsessive little freak. If only it stayed this good... 16 days till our house is up for auction. What a way to start the new year.

I just might be taking on more than I can handle right now. God, please help me.

Life sucks.  Today in particular.  Why can't I get my act together?

"Standin' in line to pay my parkin' ticket. I'm pissed. P-I-Z-Z-E-T."  Anthony, Parking Wars. " Every time you get a parking ticket, you know what's gonna happen? We're gonna eat grilled cheese sandwiches! The whole family! So a grilled cheese sandwich for you tonight!" - crazy red-haired lady, Parking Wars This just made my night.

"When did I become a person who ruins her own life." - Jacky Vachs, My Generation.

A dedication for my Cowboy Bepop/Phantom of the Opera buddy :)

I've been noticing some odd things about me lately. In this case, I guess I should call them symptoms. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.  Maybe not. I've decided to have a psych evaluation soon. Just to be sure nothing's wrong with me. Ever since my mom mentioned some strange stuff she's been seeing with me, I've been thinking that she might be right. I'm a bit scared. But as soon as I get this done, the sooner I can breathe freely. I have a feeling I know what it is...if it IS something, that is.  But I still hope I'm wrong.  Is it weird to say that in this situation, I just want to be normal?   Getting into some good Lucy Schwartz. Hope ya like.

So, a few friends and I made a twitter a while back. It was a bit immature, but it was a great outlet for all our frustrations with a certain individual.  We eventually had to delete the account due to...ah, circumstances beyond our control. Just a few days ago my best friend and I decided it was time to start a new twitter. I'm really excited about this one!  We finally get to vent our disappointment, frustration, and anger towards certain douchebags who unfortunately were part of our lives and left us scarred. I won't put the link on here in case said douchebags decide to read this blog post. I definitely don't want them and their friends reading it.  Well, if they do, they should know the whole story; not just what other people told them. That's another thing. My best friend and I found out about how douchey these douchebags were from OTHER PEOPLE. We never heard it first from the horse's mouth. And that, is just disgusting. Treating a woman like she'...

We both have been going through very similar situations. Just wanted to post this as a shout out to her, and to let her know that we deserve better than those douche bags.  We deserve so much better.

Feeling great about last night. It was freezing walking around in shorts, but my friends made the experience worth it. Feeling sick this morning. My throat hurts and my sinuses are clogged up. Still, it was worth it. Feeling a bit anti-social this week. Some things were said to me throughout the weekend, and they've jarred me into a corner. I don't think I really want to talk to anyone this week. But you know me, need to put up a front so no one notices. Well, except for you; the people who read this blog. Anyway, I think some orange juice and some much needed decongestant is in order.

Just watched the Rocky Horror episode of Glee a couple days ago. I actually didn't like it that much. For some reason, I'm feeling more and more detached from the characters and the music they're performing. Huh. Weird. Halloween's coming up tomorrow. Not sure if I actually want to do anything. The only thing I can think of doing is just seeing my friends. I don't want to drink.  I don't want to party. I don't want to dress like a slut; even though the occasion calls for it. It's been days since I really posted something. Reason being that life has sucked more than my Xbox skills lately. REALLY SUCKED. I don't like letting people know how much it affects me. I'm pretty sure a lot of people think I'm weak. If you asked my friends, I'm certain they'd tell you that I become an emotional wreck rather quickly. It's just...I feel so vulnerable right now. So broken. I think that's the way God wanted me to be.  So He ca...